mIxEd feeLiNgzZ..

i cant believe...
but i was in Progrmming class today...
hehe...
my faci was like...
what happen to u...
u jus wen missing...hehehe...
he even personally sat next to me n explained certain things to me...
n yea...
but later part...
he made me explained to the class the same thing he tot me wen they made the same mistake as me...
hehe...
n i kept on being like...
erm...correct o not...
hehe...

during lesson...
turca msg me...
she asked me to cum heights asap...
she said she wanted to tok to me...
so after sch...
i wen to heights with vaanz...
were playing games...
n making so much of noise...hehe...
saw everyone...hehe...

after that i was toking to turca...
she n uva were having abit of prob...
n i realise smth...
i have smth similar wit nazi...turca...barney...pina...
its jus like tat...
likes n dislikes like nazi...
childishness like barney...
innocence like pina...
n thinking like turca...
its all so weird...
hehe...

nieways yea...
was toking to turca abt some things of the past...
n yea...
it jus made me cry...
n at that point of time only guru n vicky had to reach heights...
lol....
i think vicky is jus too cute...
was i was msning with him jus now...he was like...
if next time u think of your past n start crying..
jus think of the happy moments we had tgt...hehe...

n murali said smth which really made me feel a lil down...
he was toking abt how much the grp has grown over jus a month...
n according to his gut felings...
dere will be smth tat will happen...
a fight o quarel...
jus smth...
i dunno wat else to say...
but it did start to bother me abit..
if smth like dat is really expected to happen...
i'll like stop meeting them everyday...
at most once o twice a week...

nieways...
problems btw me n guru jus seem to be getting worst.
i feel as if we're like so drifing apart...
i din noe i've hurt him so much...
but at the same time...
that day wen i said i hated him...
it was only for a moment out of anger...
but i din noe that till now...
he gets the feeling that i hate him...
n i noe one thing...
if he is gonna be thinking tat i hate him...
its only gonna make him hate me first...

he doesnt like the way i'm close to ambi...
he wasnt happy wen i , sashi...n vaanz wen to alamak.com to entertain ourselves
he was angry at me for shouting at him the other day wen he kept asking me so many questions wen i was pissed ady...
he felt that i kept ignoring him jus now wen i was like in no mood to tok to ANYONE...
n seriously...
the only thing that hurt me damn deep was the way he thinks i'll dump him for another guy who is like my bro...
i dunno how to explain how hurt i was...
why bother keeping everything inside u and pretending to me that u are so happy wit me wen u're not...?
why cant u jus tell me off once and for all...
i'm not saying that i din make any mistakes at all...
majority of the mistakes are mine...
n if u feel that u actually have any rights on me...
why cant u jus tel me off...
o do u think tat i jus wun listen to u...?

there used to be a time where i yearned for my guy to control me....
but now wen he controls me...
i feel happy...but at the same time its also as if he doesnt trust me...
i seriously dunno wats happening...

i know i love him...but i really dunno if this is wat he wants... if u really think i hate u...den the choice of wat u want is up to u...i'll have no say in it at ALL......n to you... i'm still waiting for that day...